Im learning Unity Scripting and Vector math. C# is very straight forward, learning the basics is mundane- I look forward to the intermediate work but like with any language I need to babble before I can speak poetically. The new job is going well (though working full time again is a rude/tiring awakening lol…I haven’t worked full time in probably 3 years so its def taking some getting used to) I still have this weird post-grad excitement lull- I don’t think its going to go away until I have my own place again. Call me a typical american consumer but it feels very off to not have my own bed, my own rug, surrounded by my things, my smell, my space. Its like Im not recharging because of that. UCLA is probably going to offer my housing a couple of months before school starts, it may be nice to move and work in LA for a little instead of twiddling my fingers in Dallas but we’ll see, we’ll see. There should really be a support group for post-admissions purgatory depression…anxiety lolz
Its been about 2 years now since I made my commitment to Artgames. Story Time: Spring of 2015, I was highly frustrated with my arts education. I felt like I wasn’t learning nor being challenged. I craved the direction and guidance. Art was an open field of shamrocks and the professors just told you to run free and explore, exploooore! But the freedom made me feel lost and aimless. I knew I had a love for installation art and technology and I excelled at my transmedia class. The semester before I had just purchased the love of my life, my laptop Lucef Machavelli. I thought about being a 3D modeler in the past- but after playing with Lucef and researching, I knew my real passion lie in game design. The previous Winter I decided I was going to try my hardest to try to get into the Computer Science program at UT and though I have a serious hole in my algebra skills (thanks to a hateful 6th grade math teacher) I worked my ass off to get into Calculus. I studied every single day during winter break and ended up making a 90 on my entrance exam (you don’t understand how huge an accomplishment this was for me, I had serious math phobia). After a couple of years without a formal math or science class, I was in Chemistry for science majors and Calculus. I made it through 3/4 of the semester until I found out that transferring into Computer Science was flipping impossible and would extend my time by at least 2 years. And Although I was doing fairly well in my classes, I was dive bombing in chemistry. I suck at chemistry. I studied so damn hard and was hovering above a C while my other courses were A’s and Calc a B. I went to drop Chemistry to save my gpa and due to some dumb as sh** hardship rule, I had to drop 2 classes to go to half time, I couldn’t drop just 1. Long story short, I kept my Art and tech course and a really great American history course (I know said no one, but this prof was actually an awesome lecturer- and looked/sounded like Allen Ginsberg). In that Art and Tech course, I made my first game. I used Unreal and built a little scene about a post-apocalyptic world run by an evil technocratic cult science thing. Around this time, I had playtested a game for the Denius Game Academy and met Warren Spector who was very kind and invited me to apply (I of course, was the only one in the world that had no idea who he was). I had been researching where I could pursue video games as a fine artist and out of all the schools, UCLA’s Design Media Arts program looked perfect, just absolutely perfect. I remember excitedly telling my boyfriend at the time about the program and how I was going to build a portfolio with my final years at UT and well, long story short[….actually not this was pretty long] that’s where I’m going. April 15th has finally passed and I’m committed to UCLA Fall ’17. I’m excited and scared, and in a way kind of depressed actually. Not in the sad, oh no sort of way but more in the, oh my god there is so much change coming. I am basically being reincarnated! I have to uproot my life, change cities, change friends, live on my own, make it in LA, its so over-whelming to think about it and I shut down a little. I just started a really nice job though, and so I’m going to save up- try to treat myself well, and hopefully by July- I’ll be excited and ready. I get to see my family next month for my brother’s graduation, that’s really exciting. I miss my family and they’ll also help me get more excited for the move. So much is changing. As long as Los Angeles isn’t wiped off the map by a nuclear bomb, all should be well by September but eh, you know what can you do? Just live really. Such is life.