The reason I have not updated my blog in months is ummm hmmm well…I was kidnapped by Jehovah Witness Panda Bears. I now accept Jesus as my lord Mondays between 5-5:30am. Oh righty, good news now though is, I have new work for you to see and a lot more coming now that I’m in a cult…I mean school. Whatev. Check it out, SMILES!
These characters that each of us take on, so prevalent, I dont know whether it can even be considered fake. The “romantic”, uber-man, supreme intellectual goth; the fuckin girl next door/jail bait with a 5 year olds voice; the nerd thats secretly but not secretly at all thinks hes better than everyone else his age; the new “photographer” ever freakin day, the hostile, complaining artist…all these masks, flip, flip, flip we throw them on and entertain each other. The thing is though, we become our masks and so much so that there is nobody left holding it, only a floating facade that lacks depth and movement. No change will ever come like this.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
Why do you deny thee??
Who told you that you were free?
Fuck your happiness
You should be miserable with anyone but me
I should be your every thought
I should be your only care
I should always be on your lips
And the answer to your every prayer!
From when the sun falls off the ocean
Until the bitch burns no more
You will follow me forever
I’ll run your heart down to its core
You are mine, my possession
These words I speak, You will never question
Yeah, Maybe you should have thought it through
Before you whispered to me ‘I love you’
I’m sure you thought yourself clever
Little did you know that those words meant forever
So as you find yourself within me
I bind you, my love, psychologically
You won’t want to run
No use, you can never hide
But don’t worry, I’ll make you happy
I promise that even after we have died
You took something from me
Cut through my ice heart with a knife
And now, lucky you
You will pay with your life.
No One Showed Up
This is You: thinking, dreaming, waiting, plotting…but mostly waiting. There are many spots in the picture for more people- it represents an open mind and open heart, waiting. Waiting. Waiting for stimulation, friends, fun, education, advancement. Waiting for the future to uncover itself and for the past to hide its flaws; waiting. Waiting for stagnation to pass. There is loneliness here, a feeling of disconnection to life and people known and once loved. They do not know you. They don’t want what you know is best for you. You are not understood. The Face has a mask: it represents many facets and personalities; different feelings, phases of life. It could be anybody. It is everybody. No one showed up? This is all in your head.
This is of Love but it is no love story.
It is unattainable, frustration and loss. It is falling for someone with all your heart only to have their heart closed to you. The tears fall at night that they will never wipe away. This is no fairy tale. You may meet your soul mate but sometimes they don’t give a damn about you. It is not always happily ever after. In the composition there is a lot of blood, high color, light, broken hearts and an overall childish overtone to something that is very dark. There is a message here of Love being Childish: something silly, a fantasy, a waste of time and energy. It is the most draining, hurtful, detrimental force. It can bring out the worse in you, it can be the death of you and we have been trained to think that we must obtain a partner or fail horribly in life, alone and unsuccessful. Nevertheless, as a human, I need to Love. I need to Love, Lust, Fuck and Die- I hate it. It is an addiction. I Love it. Of course I only feel this way when you deny me, I feel dark, angry and hopeless. If you accepted me, I would give you my whole world and watch you burn it to the ground. I love you, you complete me, you destroy me.
This work, this state of mind, has heavy influence by the writer, John Donne. To gain more insight into my work as well as just the psyche in general, then take a look at his work. I happen to be awe stricken by how honest and dark he can get about love and god ‘it’s no fairy tale’
Phazero Poems associated with “He Loves Me Not and Oxytocin Overdose”
Masochistic Fantasy (Poem written on Page In Oxytocin Overdose)
My masochistic fantasy
Keeping me in the forever state of need
a drug that cant be found
I fiend. I shake. Your seed
that spreads through the caverns of my mind
and holds captive what once was mine
so I’ll hope, I’ll wish, I’ll pray
in hypocrisy, my lips will stay
when they pretend to take me, I’ll know
that these fools are pawns, it’s yours
No, you’re mine. Pain is not the word for this
Obsession, Obsession is, Obsession is what drives me.
For obsession, I will never shed a tear
it’s not about you, it is you, just you
but it’s not about you.
I will find you, have you, Destroy you.
Like the child’s pet, I will love you and forget you
Before you even knew that you were bleeding
I’ll take it all and run away-Selfish
Just like you
She is delicate,
A beauty above all other,
Sit her down to focus,
And know that one day,
Someone will come along,
strangle her to death